Tough Love

Perhaps one of the toughest parts about running a youth center is saying goodbye. Of course, our students come and go as families move away and young people grow up, becoming more involved with school, jobs, or social activities. It’s like life … the natural way of things.

But sometimes—rarely, thank God—a Starfish student leaves the program because we mandate it. More precisely, the student chooses to leave by exhibiting behavior or an attitude that staff deems unacceptable or even injurious to other students. Like a shepherd protecting the flock, we must separate the “threat,” which is often a youth making unwise choices, to protect the others from following suit.

This is tough love with all its bitterness. I have spent more than one night weeping, praying, not sleeping over some child gone rogue. I feel sad for them. I’m afraid for them. Not that Starfish is the beat-all, end-all savior of the world’s youth, but at least kids in our program have a safe place to go after school. They have a support system of caring individuals who truly love them and want the best for them academically, socially, emotionally, and spiritually, and often go out of their way to ensure this. Proverbs 22:6 advises, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not depart from it.” That is our mission, our driving force.

Still, we are not about making decisions for people, so we cannot mandate what’s best for anyone. Each of us must figure that out on our own, sometimes through trials, sometimes through triumphs. Many of my efforts (and I believe those of my co-workers) are made to spare students the former, while guiding them toward the latter. But oftentimes the best lesson learned is the one learned through trying times. Despite our best efforts, we cannot spare every child what we consider undue pain or tribulation, and that is a tough pill for a mentor to swallow. So, we stand on that verse in Proverbs, rely on the Holy Spirit and the planted seeds of truth, and pray for the child to one day return to “the way.”

– April [www.starfishchicago.com]

The Power of Praise

Kids often battle with low self-esteem, especially those nearing the junior high years. In an after-school program like Starfish, we don’t know how much affirmation the kids receive at home. One thing is sure, however, a word of encouragement here and there will go a LONG way towards preserving the emotional well-being of a child.

A phenomenon I have witnessed at Starfish is that once you praise a child for doing something well, especially in front of a group, they enjoy the feeling of approval so much that they often strive to keep up the good work. On the other hand, if you constantly berate a kid for their shortcomings, they will eventually get the impression that you have it in for them, and may not even perceive that they have a problem. This is why it is important to pepper in praise even when you are correcting someone. Try to focus on the things that the child is doing well.

Of course, some kids (adults, too!) are a bottomless pit for approval and affection. No matter how many times you tell them how great you think they are, they have an insatiable need for more praise. These are the ones you find “fishing for compliments,” which means that they constantly try to get you to compliment them. You can only point these types of “needy” people to Jesus. He is the only one who can fill the need for love in their soul.

In short, uplifting children is a great way to create a positive educational environment, nurture a child’s spirit, and teach them a wholesome way to interact with people. You will be surprised how much impact a few well-spoken words of encouragement can have on a kid.

--Susan