The Bad "Bad"

The Bad “Bad”

We’ve all heard the saying, Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. This self-medicating chant may help us through middle school, but “names” or demeaning labels coming from a parent, sibling, or mentor could indeed prove devastating to children.

When Michael Jackson sang, “I’m bad!” he meant the cool, suave kind that makes women swoon and churns up envy (and perhaps respect) in men. But use “bad” to describe a child and you’re setting him (or her) up for failure. At the very least, you’re setting him up for a stinging lack of self-esteem.

Behavior is bad, people aren’t. I’m not inviting a philosophical discussion about extreme cases like serial killers and violent sociopaths … I’m taking about your average, everyday kid. Vulnerable, impressionable youth need to hear and understand the distinction that when they do bad things, their behavior is bad, not them. Otherwise, the child could basically deflate. Attitude, drive, and outlook could all be irreparably affected. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits (Proverbs 18:21).

For whatever reason, in the Starfish neighborhood and similar communities I’ve visited, it is commonplace to refer to one’s child as “bad.” An infant smacking her brother in the face or grabbing someone’s food … “Oh, she’s just bad.” A toddler throwing a tantrum or destroying household items … “He’s so bad!” Typical baby behavior, that should be shaped through loving discipline and parental training, gets labeled “bad.” Many times it’s spoken jokingly, but our words have power.

Children are like clay—moldable, malleable, still forming. A huge part of that forming process is enhanced by encouragement, when people speak positive sentiments about the child into his life. This is especially when true when children struggle in school or to keep up with their peers or siblings physically. They can be injured by being called “bad” in all its connotations, which can easily be perceived as “dumb,” “worthless,” even “unwanted.” Proverb 16:24 says, Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. Children need edifying words to build them up, to help them know they’re loved, and to heal them. We all do.

So, in short, you’re not bad, DB! We love you now and always.

– April Bailey [www.starfishchicago.com] All verses English Standard Version.