This may seem like parental advice from a non-parent, but it truly comes from years of experience with working with children. I've noticed that when it comes to discipline, or shaping young lives through guidance, adults generally seem to fall into two camps: the strict disciplinarian camp and the affectionate-let-everything-slide camp. Both discipline and love are essential to guiding children, yet exclusive of each other they can be disastrous.
For example, if all I direct towards a child are rules, the poor little one is going to feel like they never do anything right. He or she will feel as if no matter how hard they try, they can never please or appease me. This will negatively impact their self-esteem, and in fact, probably won't help them keep the rules either way. At a certain point, they will just give up.
On the other hand, if I feel that the best way to nourish and guide a child is to let them do their own thing and just show love and support as often as I can, I face another set of problems. First of all, withholding rules from a child is not showing them love. Proverbs 22:15 says, "folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him." Children need to learn how to do what is right. It's unnatural for them to choose right all the time, and we, their authority figures, need to show them how.
With the knowledge of the dangers of these two extremes, I have adopted a policy called "firm yet loving." Basically, it means that I shower each child with as much love, affection, attention, and praise as possible, while consistently enforcing discipline. Also, if I tell a kid that a certain behavior will result in punishment, I have to be willing to carry out that punishment. So many people threaten children until they are blue in the face without ever making good on their promise. Children know! They are brighter than you think. They know that they will never actually receive that time out, and so they will continue in their negative behavior.
One danger you may face interacting with children is losing your temper. Obviously, kids can push you to frustration. It is of utmost importance that you are aware when this is happening.
Speaking firmly to a child is often necessary, but yelling at them is never acceptable. If it happens, however, it must be followed by an apology. A young child is so tender and impressionable, your voice can seriously crush them. Sometimes you may have to find a way to take yourself out of the situation. Once you know that you are close to losing control, step away until you calm down and can deal with things rationally. This is essential to maintaining a loving relationship with the child.
A curious thing I have found about enforcing discipline is that after doing so, the kid, for some reason, is usually MORE favorably disposed towards you. Kids seek the safety of rules and discipline as much as they seek the warmth of your love. Both are necessary to maintain the respect and obedience of the child.
Susan C.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Why Kids are the Best
Every now and then I’ll overhear someone say, “I just can’t deal with kids.” Or, “I don’t know how you do it!” Listening to these comments leaves me quite incredulous. Granted, I can’t remember a time when I DIDN’T love the little munchkins, but it seems so obvious to me why a career with younglings is a no-brainer. Here’s a peak into my brain that will hopefully help you see why hanging with the itty bitties is the best choice ever.
First of all, I won’t deny that children have their moments. By nature, they are often shamelessly self-centered and stubborn. This is probably the justification of the aforementioned comments. However, I have found an enormously helpful perspective on this fact. You can’t deny that many adults are equally self-centered and stubborn. The deal with kids is that they’re still learning and growing. Although they do have to take responsibility for their actions, you know that sometimes the old saying “they just don’t know any better” is gospel truth. The great part, though, is that you get to guide them through their egocentrism and watch them blossom into little people with sweet demeanors and carefully cultivated self-control.
Jesus said that to enter the kingdom of heaven you must be as a child. Working with children is refreshing because they’re like a clean slate. They don’t carry the cynicism that adults often do because they haven’t experienced all the things that cause us as older folk to judge and mistrust one another. Kids are truly pure in that when they first meet you they don’t carry prejudices and opinions against you. I found out this secret early on: you can usually trust a kid to like you no matter what! It’s in their nature.
If you have ever seen any of the Starfish staff interact with our kids you can probably predict this next perk of working with the youngin’s: unrestrained goofiness! In each of us is a silly, dorky kid just waiting to come out. In any other environment we would be scorned or mocked, but at Starfish, silliness is a plus. The reward of displaying our inner child is usually unrestrained laughter. It doesn’t get much better than this!
Working with kids can definitely be trying at times. The hardest part comes after you’ve poured yourself into a child over and over and then they reject you and decide they don’t want to receive from you any more. Any parent is familiar with this pain. Fortunately for us, this is a RARE occurrence – the Starfish kids for the most part love us and are eager to receive. Hanging out with the young folk is definitely a blessing from God.
by Susan Croox
First of all, I won’t deny that children have their moments. By nature, they are often shamelessly self-centered and stubborn. This is probably the justification of the aforementioned comments. However, I have found an enormously helpful perspective on this fact. You can’t deny that many adults are equally self-centered and stubborn. The deal with kids is that they’re still learning and growing. Although they do have to take responsibility for their actions, you know that sometimes the old saying “they just don’t know any better” is gospel truth. The great part, though, is that you get to guide them through their egocentrism and watch them blossom into little people with sweet demeanors and carefully cultivated self-control.
Jesus said that to enter the kingdom of heaven you must be as a child. Working with children is refreshing because they’re like a clean slate. They don’t carry the cynicism that adults often do because they haven’t experienced all the things that cause us as older folk to judge and mistrust one another. Kids are truly pure in that when they first meet you they don’t carry prejudices and opinions against you. I found out this secret early on: you can usually trust a kid to like you no matter what! It’s in their nature.
If you have ever seen any of the Starfish staff interact with our kids you can probably predict this next perk of working with the youngin’s: unrestrained goofiness! In each of us is a silly, dorky kid just waiting to come out. In any other environment we would be scorned or mocked, but at Starfish, silliness is a plus. The reward of displaying our inner child is usually unrestrained laughter. It doesn’t get much better than this!
Working with kids can definitely be trying at times. The hardest part comes after you’ve poured yourself into a child over and over and then they reject you and decide they don’t want to receive from you any more. Any parent is familiar with this pain. Fortunately for us, this is a RARE occurrence – the Starfish kids for the most part love us and are eager to receive. Hanging out with the young folk is definitely a blessing from God.
by Susan Croox
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Creative Programming
There’s something to be said about having a limited budget. Necessity is known as the mother of invention … especially when Necessity is trying to stretch a buck!
Starting a youth ministry, or any kind of non-profit, can be daunting, particularly when the funding has yet to fall in place. We started Starfish Learning Center in 1997 and, as our student numbers grew, revenue did not respond in kind. So, in order to provide art projects, games, and prizes for the children, we stepped outside the box and inside super-cheap stores.
With a handful of small donations and scraped-together coins that amounted to just a few dollars sometimes, we bought activities and incentives for the kids. Plastic paint sets, coloring books, a yard-stick of gum for 50 cents, a bag of clown clickers and rings for a buck. We developed a series of still-popular games with one 59 cent bag of balloons. With markers, we mapped out a board game on the floor tiles and duct tapped pieces of foam board to create two over-sized dice. Our students became the pieces in an original, interactive board game!
It doesn’t take much to impact young people. Oftentimes, the simplest activities are the ones about which they reminisce most. For example, one dangerously hot summer day, we inflated a giant kiddie pool that we’d picked up at a discount chain, and filled it with ice water. Fourteen of our students enjoyed popsicles while submerged, and played the utterly made up game “Splish Splash Math” in the backyard, staying cool, and creating an unforgettably fun, budget-friendly learning experience.
Another stand-out cheapo activity can be described in two words: Super Box. It started with a simple chair order; we were replacing Starfish’s metal folding chairs with sturdier, cushioned ones. The chairs were delivered in several enormous cardboard boxes, which our visionary staff quickly formed into a network of tunnels for youthful exploration. The students flipped over Super Box, racing through the maze on hands and knees to beat each other’s times, and trying to escape clouds of fart spray introduced thru one of the “sun roof” hatches. The kids raved about it for weeks after it was dismantled. Simple cardboard boxes! For that era of Starfish student, Super Box remains legendary.
When it comes to youth activities, think simple and consider going back to the basics for inspiration: marbles, bingo, hopscotch, jump rope, singing songs. Sometimes just going for a walk, baking cookies, or sitting down to color with kids becomes an awesome, bonding time. Children, like most people, often just want to be heard, so listening is a good skill to cultivate if you aspire to youth ministry.
Impacting youth does not require big budgets and endless costly activities, and a meager budget need not limit creativity. A little goes a long way, so put your thinking cap on and see where your imagination will take you.
[www.starfishchicago.com]
Starting a youth ministry, or any kind of non-profit, can be daunting, particularly when the funding has yet to fall in place. We started Starfish Learning Center in 1997 and, as our student numbers grew, revenue did not respond in kind. So, in order to provide art projects, games, and prizes for the children, we stepped outside the box and inside super-cheap stores.
With a handful of small donations and scraped-together coins that amounted to just a few dollars sometimes, we bought activities and incentives for the kids. Plastic paint sets, coloring books, a yard-stick of gum for 50 cents, a bag of clown clickers and rings for a buck. We developed a series of still-popular games with one 59 cent bag of balloons. With markers, we mapped out a board game on the floor tiles and duct tapped pieces of foam board to create two over-sized dice. Our students became the pieces in an original, interactive board game!
It doesn’t take much to impact young people. Oftentimes, the simplest activities are the ones about which they reminisce most. For example, one dangerously hot summer day, we inflated a giant kiddie pool that we’d picked up at a discount chain, and filled it with ice water. Fourteen of our students enjoyed popsicles while submerged, and played the utterly made up game “Splish Splash Math” in the backyard, staying cool, and creating an unforgettably fun, budget-friendly learning experience.
Another stand-out cheapo activity can be described in two words: Super Box. It started with a simple chair order; we were replacing Starfish’s metal folding chairs with sturdier, cushioned ones. The chairs were delivered in several enormous cardboard boxes, which our visionary staff quickly formed into a network of tunnels for youthful exploration. The students flipped over Super Box, racing through the maze on hands and knees to beat each other’s times, and trying to escape clouds of fart spray introduced thru one of the “sun roof” hatches. The kids raved about it for weeks after it was dismantled. Simple cardboard boxes! For that era of Starfish student, Super Box remains legendary.
When it comes to youth activities, think simple and consider going back to the basics for inspiration: marbles, bingo, hopscotch, jump rope, singing songs. Sometimes just going for a walk, baking cookies, or sitting down to color with kids becomes an awesome, bonding time. Children, like most people, often just want to be heard, so listening is a good skill to cultivate if you aspire to youth ministry.
Impacting youth does not require big budgets and endless costly activities, and a meager budget need not limit creativity. A little goes a long way, so put your thinking cap on and see where your imagination will take you.
[www.starfishchicago.com]
Friday, January 1, 2010
Kicking it Off
What is it about a brand new year that makes people resolve to change their lives? Lose weight, stop smoking, go back to school. Do we really need a starting point to motivate us toward major (or even less major) achievements? Consensus may never be reached on this issue, but it’s a rather adorable if not cathartic quirk of human nature that is worth exploring.
Our goal at Starfish Learning Center, since 1997, has been to educate, empower, and encourage at-risk youth in a troubled Chicago community. “Troubled” is an ambiguous label, but the gangs, drug trafficking, prostitution, and occasional violence in our neighborhood means the “troubled” shoe fits. Regardless of one’s ethnic background, there is some level of culture shock for anyone unfamiliar with “urban” or “inner-city” life. Here, most everyone is considered economically challenged and, unfortunately, many are also addicted and/or lacking the educational background or opportunities to improve their circumstances.
But every New Year, when we flip our collective calendars to January, hope is birthed in souls worldwide, regardless of economic status. And although Starfish is no living, breathing entity, hope dwells and swells in us who live and breathe behind the center’s facade. Though our commitment to youth remains steadfast and our goals have not been rewritten, we too feel the newness at the old year’s demise and look forward with excitement to what lies ahead for our students as well as Starfish. Yet, for many, it goes much deeper. The new year means a resetting of possibility, a rebirth of hope that lingered just out of reach only hours before, as if the “curse” of 2009, with so many deaths, recessionary woes, and tragic events, disintegrated at the stroke of midnight, and survivors rose from its ashes a phoenix with the promise of new life.
You can almost hear the collective sigh. Whew! We made it thru 2009. The weight is lifted, the sun returns, we breathe freely of hope and all that is to come. Then, one by one, we pick ourselves up and journey forward.
A calendar year is a bite-sized unit in which people measure and reflect upon their lives, so we understand the tendency to grow weary as a year ends. We also believe it is important to thank God even during (or especially during) hardship. So, yes, as we say adios to 2009, we praise God for His goodness to see us through. God bless us all in 2010. [www.starfishchicago.com]
Our goal at Starfish Learning Center, since 1997, has been to educate, empower, and encourage at-risk youth in a troubled Chicago community. “Troubled” is an ambiguous label, but the gangs, drug trafficking, prostitution, and occasional violence in our neighborhood means the “troubled” shoe fits. Regardless of one’s ethnic background, there is some level of culture shock for anyone unfamiliar with “urban” or “inner-city” life. Here, most everyone is considered economically challenged and, unfortunately, many are also addicted and/or lacking the educational background or opportunities to improve their circumstances.
But every New Year, when we flip our collective calendars to January, hope is birthed in souls worldwide, regardless of economic status. And although Starfish is no living, breathing entity, hope dwells and swells in us who live and breathe behind the center’s facade. Though our commitment to youth remains steadfast and our goals have not been rewritten, we too feel the newness at the old year’s demise and look forward with excitement to what lies ahead for our students as well as Starfish. Yet, for many, it goes much deeper. The new year means a resetting of possibility, a rebirth of hope that lingered just out of reach only hours before, as if the “curse” of 2009, with so many deaths, recessionary woes, and tragic events, disintegrated at the stroke of midnight, and survivors rose from its ashes a phoenix with the promise of new life.
You can almost hear the collective sigh. Whew! We made it thru 2009. The weight is lifted, the sun returns, we breathe freely of hope and all that is to come. Then, one by one, we pick ourselves up and journey forward.
A calendar year is a bite-sized unit in which people measure and reflect upon their lives, so we understand the tendency to grow weary as a year ends. We also believe it is important to thank God even during (or especially during) hardship. So, yes, as we say adios to 2009, we praise God for His goodness to see us through. God bless us all in 2010. [www.starfishchicago.com]
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