Alpha and Omega—the beginning and the end.
For every beginning there is an end. Yet, also, for every end, there is a new beginning. Time honors no life by stopping to ponder its end. It continues, moves on, and opens pathways for change, healing, and new opportunities. And so it is with us—Jerry & me—as we move on from Starfish. Having witnessed its creation, having experienced every center occurrence since its inception in 1997, we have felt the weight of closure in this chapter of our lives. But this is no sad occasion; we are elated by the joy of newness all around us. And it is not goodbye, as we plan to remain part of the Starfish family in many ways, including having center staff & students regularly visit us at our new place.
Beginnings bring hope, and as the ink on this period of our lives settles, a new, unwritten chapter lies ahead. Our prayer remains the same—that God would use us mightily for His work. Whatever it may be.
So, in one sense, yes, this is an end. But in every tingling essence of the occasion, it is truly a beginning … for us and for Starfish. As excited as I am to enter this latest chapter in life, I’m almost as jazzed to see how the center will change to reflect its leaders. How the children grow, learn, and excel from the nurturing and support of Jason, Susan, Syndi, and the other loving members of Starfish who pour themselves into the youth. I am thankful to have been a part of this place, and to see its future guided by such capable stewards.
To work with children may sound easy for those who’ve never done it. But for those anointed for such precious work, it is a calling. Fulfillment outweighs challenges because, in the end, we know youth can be impacted beyond the framework of time, that souls can be touched for eternity.
As Jerry and I lay down this mantel of authority, we offer a heartfelt THANK YOU. Our lives have been enriched and forever altered because of this ministry and the amazing young people we have encountered over the years. Also, we ask that God richly bless our new beginning as well as all that is, has been, and will be at Starfish.
With all our love, April Bailey
Monday, June 14, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
No Weapons Formed Against Us …
Working with youth in an urban environment is not without challenges, and those committed to serving children soon realize it is the proverbial labor of love. From January to April 2010, Chicago has experienced more shootings than over twelve months in previous years—two incidents closely impacting us at Starfish (though, thankfully, no one was injured).
There is something vexing about the fact that folks here dive to the ground to avoid gunfire one day and calmly traverse those same streets to buy groceries or see their children to school the next. Such a community of sporadic violence forces residents to live a reality of the surreal. The abnormal becomes normal, ingested in small bites over many years, and throughout the lives of most of the young people, so that it is woven into the fabric of what is commonplace. Yes—fear exists. People, especially children, are afraid of gun-wielders hell-bent on retribution, destruction, or making a name for themselves in the eyes of their gangs. Yet, no one talks to police. No one “sees” anything. I am bewildered by this code of silence, as many of the selectively blind are mothers and fathers. Why not help remove a community menace while your child is still alive? Why protect the hellions that give Howard Street its reputation? Why serve a scourge whose ill-aim and vengeance could send a bullet into any man, woman, or child in the neighborhood?
Living in this, witnessing this (especially as someone unaccustomed to it), I admit my anger was not initially of the righteous variety. Eventually, after several deep breaths and days of reflection, these senseless incidents become less literal and more indicative of a need for prayer. Fervent prayer. This is where faith is stretched. It’s where “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” becomes alive and palatable. Unlike the lost shooters terrorizing Chicago, our weapons are not tangible, although sometimes they are audible. In prayer, we find comfort that no weapon formed against us will prosper. In prayer, we find peace that surpasses understanding, and love for those who extinguish life.
Fervent prayer. The children of Starfish (and those in the community) deserve no less. We spend more time with these kids than our own families and become, in essence, a family ourselves. I cannot adequately extol the virtues of such amazing youngsters—Imaria’s laugh, Kendrick’s droll wit, Jakaya’s squeaky voice, and Compton’s & T.T.’s dancing. Joy abounds in their movements, in their manner, as if God Himself were at play within them. It is glorious to behold.
I do not, however, attempt to sell the perfection of these youth. Only one can claim perfection, but it is not difficult to see why God delights in the young, and why Jesus beckoned them near. They are unique, delicate creatures worth protecting, valuing, and falling to our knees to cover in intercession. As for the lost, those shooting and causing neighborhood strife, their actions are further evidence of a need for prayer. Who prays for the scourge? Perhaps a grandmother or great aunt. Perhaps no one. If we do not pray for the lost, for our enemies, they may remain so.
Thus, we invite you to call on God for this neighborhood, for our precious youth, for the shooters, and for Chicago. Join us in prayer … won’t you?
There is something vexing about the fact that folks here dive to the ground to avoid gunfire one day and calmly traverse those same streets to buy groceries or see their children to school the next. Such a community of sporadic violence forces residents to live a reality of the surreal. The abnormal becomes normal, ingested in small bites over many years, and throughout the lives of most of the young people, so that it is woven into the fabric of what is commonplace. Yes—fear exists. People, especially children, are afraid of gun-wielders hell-bent on retribution, destruction, or making a name for themselves in the eyes of their gangs. Yet, no one talks to police. No one “sees” anything. I am bewildered by this code of silence, as many of the selectively blind are mothers and fathers. Why not help remove a community menace while your child is still alive? Why protect the hellions that give Howard Street its reputation? Why serve a scourge whose ill-aim and vengeance could send a bullet into any man, woman, or child in the neighborhood?
Living in this, witnessing this (especially as someone unaccustomed to it), I admit my anger was not initially of the righteous variety. Eventually, after several deep breaths and days of reflection, these senseless incidents become less literal and more indicative of a need for prayer. Fervent prayer. This is where faith is stretched. It’s where “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” becomes alive and palatable. Unlike the lost shooters terrorizing Chicago, our weapons are not tangible, although sometimes they are audible. In prayer, we find comfort that no weapon formed against us will prosper. In prayer, we find peace that surpasses understanding, and love for those who extinguish life.
Fervent prayer. The children of Starfish (and those in the community) deserve no less. We spend more time with these kids than our own families and become, in essence, a family ourselves. I cannot adequately extol the virtues of such amazing youngsters—Imaria’s laugh, Kendrick’s droll wit, Jakaya’s squeaky voice, and Compton’s & T.T.’s dancing. Joy abounds in their movements, in their manner, as if God Himself were at play within them. It is glorious to behold.
I do not, however, attempt to sell the perfection of these youth. Only one can claim perfection, but it is not difficult to see why God delights in the young, and why Jesus beckoned them near. They are unique, delicate creatures worth protecting, valuing, and falling to our knees to cover in intercession. As for the lost, those shooting and causing neighborhood strife, their actions are further evidence of a need for prayer. Who prays for the scourge? Perhaps a grandmother or great aunt. Perhaps no one. If we do not pray for the lost, for our enemies, they may remain so.
Thus, we invite you to call on God for this neighborhood, for our precious youth, for the shooters, and for Chicago. Join us in prayer … won’t you?
Friday, April 2, 2010
Setting the Bar
Quite frequently, youth workers are required to take on the role of child psychologist, figuring out and addressing the motivations of the students we serve. Everybody wants … perhaps needs … attention. Even the sourest misanthrope can appreciate a pat on the back, recognition for achievements, or a spirited “well done” on occasion. Children exemplify this need, often settling for negative attention over none at all.
As one of four adults in a sea of students at Starfish, I recognize the dynamic of children clamoring for attention from us, the parental figures at our center. The “look at me” mantra tumbles off the tongues of certain students more than others, but in a sense, don’t we all desire to be seen, to be appreciated, to be valued? It is the injured soul that seeks to be alone, and seems against human nature to fade into the background, pursuing invisibility when positive reinforcement exists. However, when children, and even some adults, cannot quench their thirst for praise, they often switch tactics and reach out for recognition in any way possible, even if that involves negative expressions.
As stated in an earlier blog, our words have power and what we (parents, educators, mentors) speak into the lives of youth can have a lasting impact on them. Children typically reach as high or as low as the bars families and society place before them, and with negative expectations come negative behavior. In such instances, we must examine a child’s motives and step in with love, calmly discouraging negative conduct while not making such a big deal about it that the “discipline” feeds their attention deficit. We, of course, need to respond firmly and fairly, but also with an emotional control that doesn’t offhandedly encourage more undesirable behavior. Many times, just hearing that “Mom” and “Dad” are disappointed in a child’s behavior is enough to help that child turn things around. And just as we seek the adoring eyes of the Father, kids do so with their guardians in the flesh. They simply want to spend time with their moms, dads, or other important adults in their lives … to bond, to be recognized as important and worthy of someone’s time and attention.
Now, here’s the difficult part. When disciplining an attention-seeking child, whether we’ve pinpointed their motives or not, any overt gushing, gifts, or special activities can be construed as a victory by the youth. Parents may recognize that their child needs attention, but giving it only in response to tantrums will reap more of the same. Calm, clear communication will help, and making sure tons of hugs or fun things don’t follow poor behavior, while effusively encouraging and rewarding positive behavior. I’m not saying stop showing your child love when they misbehave (acting out may, in fact, indicate a child’s feelings of neglect), but use wisdom. Make disobedience cost them something. Remove a privilege or execute some other non-violent discipline that lets them know that poor behavior is unacceptable. We are called, in Proverbs 6, to “train up a child in the way he should go”—lovingly, wisely, fearlessly. That last one is particularly poignant. Don’t be afraid to discipline your child. It may not feel so great at the time, but you’ll both be thankful in the long run.
And remember … we must use our words to build a strong foundation for children. Speak blessings into them, and offer constant encouragement to foster a “you can do it” attitude. It doesn’t matter where they live or what disadvantages they face. We must instill in youth that, with determination and self-confidence, they can clear any and all bars society make erect.
As one of four adults in a sea of students at Starfish, I recognize the dynamic of children clamoring for attention from us, the parental figures at our center. The “look at me” mantra tumbles off the tongues of certain students more than others, but in a sense, don’t we all desire to be seen, to be appreciated, to be valued? It is the injured soul that seeks to be alone, and seems against human nature to fade into the background, pursuing invisibility when positive reinforcement exists. However, when children, and even some adults, cannot quench their thirst for praise, they often switch tactics and reach out for recognition in any way possible, even if that involves negative expressions.
As stated in an earlier blog, our words have power and what we (parents, educators, mentors) speak into the lives of youth can have a lasting impact on them. Children typically reach as high or as low as the bars families and society place before them, and with negative expectations come negative behavior. In such instances, we must examine a child’s motives and step in with love, calmly discouraging negative conduct while not making such a big deal about it that the “discipline” feeds their attention deficit. We, of course, need to respond firmly and fairly, but also with an emotional control that doesn’t offhandedly encourage more undesirable behavior. Many times, just hearing that “Mom” and “Dad” are disappointed in a child’s behavior is enough to help that child turn things around. And just as we seek the adoring eyes of the Father, kids do so with their guardians in the flesh. They simply want to spend time with their moms, dads, or other important adults in their lives … to bond, to be recognized as important and worthy of someone’s time and attention.
Now, here’s the difficult part. When disciplining an attention-seeking child, whether we’ve pinpointed their motives or not, any overt gushing, gifts, or special activities can be construed as a victory by the youth. Parents may recognize that their child needs attention, but giving it only in response to tantrums will reap more of the same. Calm, clear communication will help, and making sure tons of hugs or fun things don’t follow poor behavior, while effusively encouraging and rewarding positive behavior. I’m not saying stop showing your child love when they misbehave (acting out may, in fact, indicate a child’s feelings of neglect), but use wisdom. Make disobedience cost them something. Remove a privilege or execute some other non-violent discipline that lets them know that poor behavior is unacceptable. We are called, in Proverbs 6, to “train up a child in the way he should go”—lovingly, wisely, fearlessly. That last one is particularly poignant. Don’t be afraid to discipline your child. It may not feel so great at the time, but you’ll both be thankful in the long run.
And remember … we must use our words to build a strong foundation for children. Speak blessings into them, and offer constant encouragement to foster a “you can do it” attitude. It doesn’t matter where they live or what disadvantages they face. We must instill in youth that, with determination and self-confidence, they can clear any and all bars society make erect.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
The Bad "Bad"
The Bad “Bad”
We’ve all heard the saying, Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. This self-medicating chant may help us through middle school, but “names” or demeaning labels coming from a parent, sibling, or mentor could indeed prove devastating to children.
When Michael Jackson sang, “I’m bad!” he meant the cool, suave kind that makes women swoon and churns up envy (and perhaps respect) in men. But use “bad” to describe a child and you’re setting him (or her) up for failure. At the very least, you’re setting him up for a stinging lack of self-esteem.
Behavior is bad, people aren’t. I’m not inviting a philosophical discussion about extreme cases like serial killers and violent sociopaths … I’m taking about your average, everyday kid. Vulnerable, impressionable youth need to hear and understand the distinction that when they do bad things, their behavior is bad, not them. Otherwise, the child could basically deflate. Attitude, drive, and outlook could all be irreparably affected. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits (Proverbs 18:21).
For whatever reason, in the Starfish neighborhood and similar communities I’ve visited, it is commonplace to refer to one’s child as “bad.” An infant smacking her brother in the face or grabbing someone’s food … “Oh, she’s just bad.” A toddler throwing a tantrum or destroying household items … “He’s so bad!” Typical baby behavior, that should be shaped through loving discipline and parental training, gets labeled “bad.” Many times it’s spoken jokingly, but our words have power.
Children are like clay—moldable, malleable, still forming. A huge part of that forming process is enhanced by encouragement, when people speak positive sentiments about the child into his life. This is especially when true when children struggle in school or to keep up with their peers or siblings physically. They can be injured by being called “bad” in all its connotations, which can easily be perceived as “dumb,” “worthless,” even “unwanted.” Proverb 16:24 says, Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. Children need edifying words to build them up, to help them know they’re loved, and to heal them. We all do.
So, in short, you’re not bad, DB! We love you now and always.
– April Bailey [www.starfishchicago.com] All verses English Standard Version.
We’ve all heard the saying, Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. This self-medicating chant may help us through middle school, but “names” or demeaning labels coming from a parent, sibling, or mentor could indeed prove devastating to children.
When Michael Jackson sang, “I’m bad!” he meant the cool, suave kind that makes women swoon and churns up envy (and perhaps respect) in men. But use “bad” to describe a child and you’re setting him (or her) up for failure. At the very least, you’re setting him up for a stinging lack of self-esteem.
Behavior is bad, people aren’t. I’m not inviting a philosophical discussion about extreme cases like serial killers and violent sociopaths … I’m taking about your average, everyday kid. Vulnerable, impressionable youth need to hear and understand the distinction that when they do bad things, their behavior is bad, not them. Otherwise, the child could basically deflate. Attitude, drive, and outlook could all be irreparably affected. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits (Proverbs 18:21).
For whatever reason, in the Starfish neighborhood and similar communities I’ve visited, it is commonplace to refer to one’s child as “bad.” An infant smacking her brother in the face or grabbing someone’s food … “Oh, she’s just bad.” A toddler throwing a tantrum or destroying household items … “He’s so bad!” Typical baby behavior, that should be shaped through loving discipline and parental training, gets labeled “bad.” Many times it’s spoken jokingly, but our words have power.
Children are like clay—moldable, malleable, still forming. A huge part of that forming process is enhanced by encouragement, when people speak positive sentiments about the child into his life. This is especially when true when children struggle in school or to keep up with their peers or siblings physically. They can be injured by being called “bad” in all its connotations, which can easily be perceived as “dumb,” “worthless,” even “unwanted.” Proverb 16:24 says, Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. Children need edifying words to build them up, to help them know they’re loved, and to heal them. We all do.
So, in short, you’re not bad, DB! We love you now and always.
– April Bailey [www.starfishchicago.com] All verses English Standard Version.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Tough Love
Perhaps one of the toughest parts about running a youth center is saying goodbye. Of course, our students come and go as families move away and young people grow up, becoming more involved with school, jobs, or social activities. It’s like life … the natural way of things.
But sometimes—rarely, thank God—a Starfish student leaves the program because we mandate it. More precisely, the student chooses to leave by exhibiting behavior or an attitude that staff deems unacceptable or even injurious to other students. Like a shepherd protecting the flock, we must separate the “threat,” which is often a youth making unwise choices, to protect the others from following suit.
This is tough love with all its bitterness. I have spent more than one night weeping, praying, not sleeping over some child gone rogue. I feel sad for them. I’m afraid for them. Not that Starfish is the beat-all, end-all savior of the world’s youth, but at least kids in our program have a safe place to go after school. They have a support system of caring individuals who truly love them and want the best for them academically, socially, emotionally, and spiritually, and often go out of their way to ensure this. Proverbs 22:6 advises, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not depart from it.” That is our mission, our driving force.
Still, we are not about making decisions for people, so we cannot mandate what’s best for anyone. Each of us must figure that out on our own, sometimes through trials, sometimes through triumphs. Many of my efforts (and I believe those of my co-workers) are made to spare students the former, while guiding them toward the latter. But oftentimes the best lesson learned is the one learned through trying times. Despite our best efforts, we cannot spare every child what we consider undue pain or tribulation, and that is a tough pill for a mentor to swallow. So, we stand on that verse in Proverbs, rely on the Holy Spirit and the planted seeds of truth, and pray for the child to one day return to “the way.”
– April [www.starfishchicago.com]
But sometimes—rarely, thank God—a Starfish student leaves the program because we mandate it. More precisely, the student chooses to leave by exhibiting behavior or an attitude that staff deems unacceptable or even injurious to other students. Like a shepherd protecting the flock, we must separate the “threat,” which is often a youth making unwise choices, to protect the others from following suit.
This is tough love with all its bitterness. I have spent more than one night weeping, praying, not sleeping over some child gone rogue. I feel sad for them. I’m afraid for them. Not that Starfish is the beat-all, end-all savior of the world’s youth, but at least kids in our program have a safe place to go after school. They have a support system of caring individuals who truly love them and want the best for them academically, socially, emotionally, and spiritually, and often go out of their way to ensure this. Proverbs 22:6 advises, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not depart from it.” That is our mission, our driving force.
Still, we are not about making decisions for people, so we cannot mandate what’s best for anyone. Each of us must figure that out on our own, sometimes through trials, sometimes through triumphs. Many of my efforts (and I believe those of my co-workers) are made to spare students the former, while guiding them toward the latter. But oftentimes the best lesson learned is the one learned through trying times. Despite our best efforts, we cannot spare every child what we consider undue pain or tribulation, and that is a tough pill for a mentor to swallow. So, we stand on that verse in Proverbs, rely on the Holy Spirit and the planted seeds of truth, and pray for the child to one day return to “the way.”
– April [www.starfishchicago.com]
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
The Power of Praise
Kids often battle with low self-esteem, especially those nearing the junior high years. In an after-school program like Starfish, we don’t know how much affirmation the kids receive at home. One thing is sure, however, a word of encouragement here and there will go a LONG way towards preserving the emotional well-being of a child.
A phenomenon I have witnessed at Starfish is that once you praise a child for doing something well, especially in front of a group, they enjoy the feeling of approval so much that they often strive to keep up the good work. On the other hand, if you constantly berate a kid for their shortcomings, they will eventually get the impression that you have it in for them, and may not even perceive that they have a problem. This is why it is important to pepper in praise even when you are correcting someone. Try to focus on the things that the child is doing well.
Of course, some kids (adults, too!) are a bottomless pit for approval and affection. No matter how many times you tell them how great you think they are, they have an insatiable need for more praise. These are the ones you find “fishing for compliments,” which means that they constantly try to get you to compliment them. You can only point these types of “needy” people to Jesus. He is the only one who can fill the need for love in their soul.
In short, uplifting children is a great way to create a positive educational environment, nurture a child’s spirit, and teach them a wholesome way to interact with people. You will be surprised how much impact a few well-spoken words of encouragement can have on a kid.
--Susan
A phenomenon I have witnessed at Starfish is that once you praise a child for doing something well, especially in front of a group, they enjoy the feeling of approval so much that they often strive to keep up the good work. On the other hand, if you constantly berate a kid for their shortcomings, they will eventually get the impression that you have it in for them, and may not even perceive that they have a problem. This is why it is important to pepper in praise even when you are correcting someone. Try to focus on the things that the child is doing well.
Of course, some kids (adults, too!) are a bottomless pit for approval and affection. No matter how many times you tell them how great you think they are, they have an insatiable need for more praise. These are the ones you find “fishing for compliments,” which means that they constantly try to get you to compliment them. You can only point these types of “needy” people to Jesus. He is the only one who can fill the need for love in their soul.
In short, uplifting children is a great way to create a positive educational environment, nurture a child’s spirit, and teach them a wholesome way to interact with people. You will be surprised how much impact a few well-spoken words of encouragement can have on a kid.
--Susan
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Firm Yet Loving
This may seem like parental advice from a non-parent, but it truly comes from years of experience with working with children. I've noticed that when it comes to discipline, or shaping young lives through guidance, adults generally seem to fall into two camps: the strict disciplinarian camp and the affectionate-let-everything-slide camp. Both discipline and love are essential to guiding children, yet exclusive of each other they can be disastrous.
For example, if all I direct towards a child are rules, the poor little one is going to feel like they never do anything right. He or she will feel as if no matter how hard they try, they can never please or appease me. This will negatively impact their self-esteem, and in fact, probably won't help them keep the rules either way. At a certain point, they will just give up.
On the other hand, if I feel that the best way to nourish and guide a child is to let them do their own thing and just show love and support as often as I can, I face another set of problems. First of all, withholding rules from a child is not showing them love. Proverbs 22:15 says, "folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him." Children need to learn how to do what is right. It's unnatural for them to choose right all the time, and we, their authority figures, need to show them how.
With the knowledge of the dangers of these two extremes, I have adopted a policy called "firm yet loving." Basically, it means that I shower each child with as much love, affection, attention, and praise as possible, while consistently enforcing discipline. Also, if I tell a kid that a certain behavior will result in punishment, I have to be willing to carry out that punishment. So many people threaten children until they are blue in the face without ever making good on their promise. Children know! They are brighter than you think. They know that they will never actually receive that time out, and so they will continue in their negative behavior.
One danger you may face interacting with children is losing your temper. Obviously, kids can push you to frustration. It is of utmost importance that you are aware when this is happening.
Speaking firmly to a child is often necessary, but yelling at them is never acceptable. If it happens, however, it must be followed by an apology. A young child is so tender and impressionable, your voice can seriously crush them. Sometimes you may have to find a way to take yourself out of the situation. Once you know that you are close to losing control, step away until you calm down and can deal with things rationally. This is essential to maintaining a loving relationship with the child.
A curious thing I have found about enforcing discipline is that after doing so, the kid, for some reason, is usually MORE favorably disposed towards you. Kids seek the safety of rules and discipline as much as they seek the warmth of your love. Both are necessary to maintain the respect and obedience of the child.
Susan C.
For example, if all I direct towards a child are rules, the poor little one is going to feel like they never do anything right. He or she will feel as if no matter how hard they try, they can never please or appease me. This will negatively impact their self-esteem, and in fact, probably won't help them keep the rules either way. At a certain point, they will just give up.
On the other hand, if I feel that the best way to nourish and guide a child is to let them do their own thing and just show love and support as often as I can, I face another set of problems. First of all, withholding rules from a child is not showing them love. Proverbs 22:15 says, "folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him." Children need to learn how to do what is right. It's unnatural for them to choose right all the time, and we, their authority figures, need to show them how.
With the knowledge of the dangers of these two extremes, I have adopted a policy called "firm yet loving." Basically, it means that I shower each child with as much love, affection, attention, and praise as possible, while consistently enforcing discipline. Also, if I tell a kid that a certain behavior will result in punishment, I have to be willing to carry out that punishment. So many people threaten children until they are blue in the face without ever making good on their promise. Children know! They are brighter than you think. They know that they will never actually receive that time out, and so they will continue in their negative behavior.
One danger you may face interacting with children is losing your temper. Obviously, kids can push you to frustration. It is of utmost importance that you are aware when this is happening.
Speaking firmly to a child is often necessary, but yelling at them is never acceptable. If it happens, however, it must be followed by an apology. A young child is so tender and impressionable, your voice can seriously crush them. Sometimes you may have to find a way to take yourself out of the situation. Once you know that you are close to losing control, step away until you calm down and can deal with things rationally. This is essential to maintaining a loving relationship with the child.
A curious thing I have found about enforcing discipline is that after doing so, the kid, for some reason, is usually MORE favorably disposed towards you. Kids seek the safety of rules and discipline as much as they seek the warmth of your love. Both are necessary to maintain the respect and obedience of the child.
Susan C.
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